Pride

                If I had to be completely honest with myself, I’d first admit that I don’t know what I’m doing or what I’m talking about half the time – maybe even more than that. But putting on a brave face and pretending that the result I get is the one I intended to get is so much easier than admitting I was wrong or worse – someone else was right. Looking like an idiot is mortifying for me. More so than for others because I’d do anything to make my mistakes look intentional.

                I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. But I also know that not many of the people I associate with do. Pride is what it is, when you get down to the skeleton of the problem. It’s the strongest vice… and the hardest to fight. It doesn’t surface in the way that the other seven deadly sins do and it can’t be dealt with in the same way either. Something as simple as a pat on the back can plant the seed. And a simple word or criticism can pierce the chest that you puffed up without realizing it.

                These days, people refer to pride as an ‘ego’. The larger it is, the more conceited the person is. But that’s not the only way it is shown. In my case, being wrong is not an option. Control is my goal – over self and over others. And those are only the ones I’m aware of. I have no doubt that there are a million other ways that pride can dig its claws into our hearts.

                Once it’s anchored, it’s there to stay – at least, as long as you let it stay. Once you start fighting back and gain humility you realize that it’s not so bad being wrong. And that being made fun of and acting like an idiot can be good for you. Well… maybe that advice isn’t for everyone, but it’s true enough for me.

                “Pride comes before the fall.”

                I’m not done climbing. . . and I’m definitely not ready to fall.

                

"I am..."

What's at the end of that sentence for you?
For me it's still a multitude of possibilities...including the chance that it could remain incomplete.

I don't believe in labels or anything concrete and unchangeable, as far as my future goes.

When you're young, people tell you that you can be anything you want when you grow up...but when you grow older you hear that a lot less and you start to hear about what kind of jobs everyone else thinks you'll be good at.

But if it's not what you think, what's the point, right?

Lately, I've been trying to get rid of labels or titles of any kind. Sometimes I think I'm doing it so I can claim even a thread of social freedom, and other times, I think it's because I'm afraid I won't live up to the requirements on whatever label I possess...

Either way, it's showed me that the labels assigned to us by people who know us well or only think they know us, aren't the ones that matter. The label you give yourself is what you should be concerned with.

For me, the end of that sentence could be:
"...a writer", "...a loner", "...a comedian-to-be", "...unpredictable", "...a Gemini", "...a lousy musician", etc.
And I haven't even given it any real thought yet, [I'm about to though...]

I honestly think this is one of the most important questions you can ask yourself. It's definitely more important than 'what do you want to be when you grow up?' How can you know what you want to be if you have no idea who you are?

I don't want to get philosophical or anything... that's even over my head but...
You should ask yourself that question and see what you come up with; have some fun with it!

Compromise

A/N: If that's your version of compromise...I'd much rather be alone.

Eyes widen in terror

As the horrible shock sets in,

All she fought for tirelessly

Slowly being sucked in

To the vortex that is

Him.

And all that she stood for

Becoming second-best and less important

In the light of his

Overpowering shadow.

Slowly losing herself,

Slowly becoming the prize on his shelf.

Explanation:

I understand that poetry is often abstract and can be interpreted in a thousand different ways, which is why I do this at the end of each piece. This was inspired by a conversation I had with a friend of mine...a conversation that erupted into an argument.

This isn't the only result of a compromise, the word itself implies an agreement of equal sacrifice. Both parties give up having complete dominance for the sake of the relationship. Often though, a 'compromise' comes out wrong, with one party benefiting more and the other sacrificing more.

In terms of intimate relationships, the compromise is usually based the lifestyles of the individuals involved. The most common situation I could think of was one where the female in the relationship, or the weaker/submissive personality is forced to give up whatever goals they might have had in order to satisfy the dominant personality.

I put it in a female's point of view because, as a female, it was easier. Just thought I'd put that out there. Women are by no means the only one who make huge sacrifices in intimate relationships - or even on a whole.

I could go on about the symbolism and so on but I would rather leave the interpretations of those to the imagination of the reader. Each time I read a poem I see it in a different light, you shouldn't be robbed of that. 

Thanks for reading~

Male Logic.... help?

So... this one goes out to the guys.

I don't usually have [such a hard time] understanding guys and how their minds work but.... I'm lost right now.
I've been experiencing new things lately, being single and all and having to 'fend for myself' because I'm not around my friends or in my comfort zone... I've noticed that guys tend to follow certain patterns and I can't understand why.

I heard from a friend of mine that he 'was being taught rules about women' from some older man who gave him the impression that he would have to follow them if he ever wanted to understand women or have adoring him.
They were pretty straightforward and, for the most part, I could agree...

But what I'm getting at is the fact that there are men who teach 'rules' to their proteges that aren't as 'agreeable' - many of them border on degrading.

Rules mentioning derogatory things about women or dismissive and domineering things that men should do to keep 'their woman in line'... it's infuriating to think about, much less be a victim of.

What I'm getting at with this and the question I'm posing to all guys is:
*Why do girls have to try so hard to get to the 'real you', or rather, Why do you feel you have to put on an act instead of just saying what you mean?

~ Some guys will play it cool and not call you for a week, then call you one day and act sweetly towards you, leading you to think they really missed you, only to leave you hanging for another week - or longer.

~ Some guys will only talk to you when they can get you alone and will completely ignore you when they're around their friends...


~ Some guys will play up to you and pursue you then play 'hard to get' and pretend to ignore you if they think they're getting too close and starting to seem like they want it too much.

And the examples go on but I don't need to list them - you're already thinking of your own.
If you have the solution, or even if you don't.... just leave a note. I, personally, am stumped.

So... twitter...

Ok, so... I joined Twitter the other day... and so far... it's pretty decent. But I'm not over my rant about it's uselessness...
I mean, it's a great way to stay in touch from minute to minute and it's definitely faster than Facebook but other than that... there's not much to it.

Twitter wars are a plus though... random bursts of spam messages. That's always fun... it's like a delayed MSN messenger... sorta.
I love the fact that you can 'follow' famous people you admire though 'downside: you can't control who follows you]... even though it doesn't do much for you. Reading their posts can give you insight into their lives but it's not always something you're going to love. I've been disappointed a few times already since I started following an author I adore.
Sometimes it's better to wonder what they're really like than it is to know and be disillusioned as to their 'awesomeness'.


That is all.... just the random thoughts of a sick teenager... =|

Slave To Her Passion

Caught up in a fit of passion,
He caught her up and held her bare
Heart thrashing against itself
Contained by a loose thread, her sanity.


No thoughts of wrong or right,
Only the desire to satisfy
The longing that calls longer still
When passion sends self to die.


He'd leave her there to ponder
Where her soul had gone, who she'd been,
Then he'd return before she could renounce
The fit of passion rising again.




What can I say....? I'm a Slave to my Passion <3

"On The Walls"

In my hands
This quill feels unfamiliar...
It's been so long since I've wrote
The words come slowly
It's as if they no longer know me...

In my mind
The phrases are few
And far between the prolonged silence
Nothing sounds right
It's as if I've lost the will to write...

Still...

With these hands
And with this mind
I'll wring the words from the lining of my heart
If I must
To fulfill the calling -
Inculcated
"Mark my words"
I'm still carving my name...

I just thought 'I have to post this'.... 'tis the first piece I've written in months and I love it... and apparently it's very good too... Fancy that! =] I'm still carving my name...